AUTUMNAL REFLECTIONS

Today is the Autumnal Equinox… Happy first day of Fall!

For those of us who live in Pennsylvania, today will be another day of heavy rain and the eventual flooding, which has been plaquing the neighborhood for a couple of days. My basement is sound, but my roof is another matter. You see, my roof had a pin-hole leak that wasn’t fixed properly and now a literal lake resides up on the roof covering my head. I am praying the thin rubber barrier will hold and not come crashing through the ceiling, littering sheetrock and detritus all over my kitchen floor. Can you imagine … what a mess.

When the workmen came originally, my expectations were not met, in that they did not ensure that the gutter was lower than the standing water. Hence, Lake Erie is closer than I ever dreamed. So, the next solution they proposed, in my opinion, was too simplistic, costly, and did not consider where the rerouted water would eventually end up.

Admittedly, I am not a man-hater, but I must confess men do frustrate me. Maybe, it was my three brothers who helped jade my perception of the male gender. Or perhaps, it is the current belief that women do not deserve the same rights as other American citizens such as voting, bank accounts in their own names, reproductive healthcare and the like. Further, even factions of the Church are trying to silence us by relegating our female role to that of a brood mare.

Yet, I truly believe a woman would do a better job in running America as well as fixing a roof. These events have colored my thinking. So, of course my husband and I argued about it. As it turned out, the argument was not about whether women could, should or would do a better job than men. Actually, my husband believes, and supports the idea, that women are equal in all areas and should have the empowerment to move into all areas, social, religious, political etc. It turns out that what drove the argument was the lack of communication by the roof repair personnel and their lack of attention to details that should have been obvious, and my husband’s seeming laissez-faire attitude about solutions to the problem.  After our fight and I cooled off, I realized I was not just sad but angry at myself for being so pig-headed. I didn’t understand why a broken roof was so triggering. Why would I get so angry… and then so sad and finally so depressed? Why?

Believing you’re a failure and that you will never get it right in your Christian walk, could cause these emotions. And they did. But before I wallow in all that emotion, I must remind myself that some of my thinking has to do with believing lies. I am not a failure because of one fight. I did not harm my relationship with my husband because we fought. He does still love me. And yet, the evil spiritual forces want me to stay in my guilt, anger, sadness, depression and forget that God can and will forgive me, if I only but ask.

Ironically, today I was studying Psalm 139. This poem was written to show us the character of God. The first 6 verses describe that God is omniscient. He is all knowing. Verses 7-12 declare that God is omnipresent. He is everywhere and verses 13-18 illustrate God as omnipotent i.e. all powerful. If this is true, and it is, then God knows everything about me. He knows my past, present, and future. He knows when I am arrogant, prideful, and selfish. And since He knows me ‘out of time’ so to speak, He knows about the fight I had with my husband, because He was there. Yikes, now that’s an idea to ponder…

So, pressing forward with my analogy, if God intimately knows me and was there, He is also omnipotent. He is more powerful than I and He can forgive me. God will rescue me from myself. The scripture says,

Psalm 139 New Revised Standard Version Updated Edition

The Inescapable God

To the leader. Of David. A Psalm.

¹ O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
² You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from far away.
³ You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
⁴ Even before a word is on my tongue,
    O Lord, you know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is so high that I cannot attain it…

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any wickedway in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.